Hi SOUL Hi! Lovianhal!
How you? I’m glad you’re here. I’m here too! I love you.
By now, you are aware that I have a teen in college. If this is your first time hearing such things, welcome. I have an entire leg and perhaps a hand and maybe a smidge of forearm in the realm of ’empty nester’. While I have been fully immersed in my own energy for nearly a month, I will admit that I don’t feel like I thought I would feel when Aubrei first went off to college. I thought I would feel more free.
Granted, I am still in the throes of birthing another of my children– GURL. I cannot even begin to fully explain all that I’ve been growing through with launching Book 4: Deep Roots. Maybe it’s because I’m still growing through it. Every time I think she’s ready for the world or that I’m clear about when I can safely project her arrival (for promotion purposes)– something. Not bad or good somethings. Just, there seems like this endless stream of things that need to be done that I don’t remember having to do when I published my first books in this series. Also, granted, the technology available today was not available 9-10-11 years ago.
And then, it sinks in that it’s been 9-10-11 years!!! I’ve been writing Book 4 for 7 years, but Book 1: Among Us was published in 2013. Book 2: Awake came out in 2014. Book 3: Light of the War was released in 2015. Beyond the obvious changes in independent publishing overall, I am not the same person I was then. I have new skills. I’ve uncovered new gifts, talents and capacities. I’ve evolved and become in ways that I couldn’t even imagine for myself 9-10-11 years ago. I have a different kind of confidence. A different creative expression I am wanting to get across. My art of writing has new layers. Part of my art is being expressed in the formatting of the physical pages in the book and the cover art. I wanted to do what I’m doing now for my first 3 books, but I just didn’t have the skill set. Or the confidence, quite frankly. But now, I can. And so I am. I have been LOVING every aspect of putting this book together. Learning and stretching and expanding as I go. Can I put this there? Of course I can. Could I put that here? Absolutely. This journey has been wonderful and some aspects of it, TEDIOUS. But it’s mine, so I endure. But gurl.
All of the above is what adds another few dimensions to both my creative and the overall technical process of publishing a book as an independent, conscious media producer. Cumulative staff of 1. Granted, 1 and God is a majority, but it’s still my hands doing the typing and whatnots. So there’s that. What I am discovering in real time is that the process of birthing this book is its own kind of initiation. It is birthing me as I birth it. Which is also interesting because the themes of initiation and ‘birthing’ are present in this story. What I am also beginning to understand is that I am being forged. And forging is an often lengthy and intimidating process. Even more so if you have no idea what you’re doing. It is not hyperbole when I say with sincerity and earnestness, a Star Sis does not know what she’s doing. I did not know what I was doing 11 years ago when I published my first book either. I got better with each of the other two, and I hired out the things I physically couldn’t do. But this time around, it feels like I am starting from scratch.
AND.
For all intents and purposes, I am.
And what’s cool and, maybe, scary about coming to this understanding is that I have earned the spiritual tools required to navigate all that I’m growing through within my experience. I have dear frens who hold the high watch for me in the material and spiritual realms. I have access to energies within my ancestry. I know how to tune in to my highest self. To treat myself with kindness and grace. I’ve learned how to surrender. In SUPREME fashion. To do as much as I can do and to stretch into what I’m willing to learn how to do and to let go of the rest. Coming from a recovering perfectionist, that sounds easy but it ain’t.
Now.
Add, shall you, the fact that Aubrei is in college growing through essentially the same thing. She too, is being forged. She too is experiencing a sort of birthing process into adulthood. An initiation from her child-self into her own becoming as a fully actualized adult human in a world where everybody else is essentially doing the same thing–but different. You would think that understanding this would make parenting her at this stage…easier. Right? That would a NOPE. My dear sweet teen is having a complicated time as a new college student. She has a boyfriend back home that wants her to be closer to him, while she is wanting to explore the brave new world in front of her– whilst simultaneously feeling guilty about just about everything (this is a whole other story that isn’t mine to tell). Plus the general pressure of being in a new environment around new people and not having mama (or any of the rest of her familiar tribe) at arms length whenever she needs or wants something. She no want to hear what me have to say. Nor the says of her many brilliant Aunties who have gone down all sorts of paths– there are copious insights for her to choose at her asking. Breezy no want to use her tools.
She’s in the ‘shrink or swim’ phase of her unfoldment
and
it’s looking like
some days baby girl is putting on her swim cap and suit for the task at hand, looking at the water with wonder and curiosity.
and some days…
I get to listen in real time as she metaphorically practices the verbal equivalent of folding herself into painful shapes her body has no business being in.
AND.
as her mother
it pains me to even think
that I am powerless to help her
navigate this complicated time
beyond
what she
is willing
to receive.
beyond
what she is willing to do
for herself…
I cannot do her work for her. I can love her. I can support her choices. I can listen to her and offer counsel when she asks (and often even when she doesn’t). But ultimately, this journey she’s on is hers. As much as I’d like to, I can’t do her initiation or her forging for her. This is the part of the parenting journey where I learn how to hold the space. Whilst she figures the rest out. I’ll add here that as of this writing, I’m really sucking at it. I’m positive I’ll get better, but it is what it is.
I was talking to my God SiStar Bunmi earlier and she said something so dope and so profound, and I’m not sure it goes with this particular conversation but, I wanted to share it here:
“You can’t put your future in front of you–you have to put your practice in front of you. Your practice creates your future.”
And that, my Star People frens, is where SUPREME surrender comes in. I think.
Anyway, we have mucho to discuss with tonight’s Starfolk University staff:
Dr. Erica Wilkins– Dean of Relationships +World Exploration
DJ Frosty– Dean of Fellowship + Change
Bridge’tte Starrgate – Dean of Spiritual Mid-Wifery (maybe, Hurricane Helene is doing her thang)
Bunmi Moses–Dean of Brilliance, Luminosity and the Shamanic Arts
Rudolph Jean Louis— Dean of Art Theory
Of course, Jordan (is back!!!) is in the WuWu Metaphysical Studio with me, so Join us tonight 7-10p on WURD! Bring a journal, pen and 3 frens…
#starfolku #starpeopleish #comegetfree
“We endured. So that you don’t have to. You wear our rage in your skin. It in your cells. It flow through your veins. It make up your bones. You inherit this rage from all of us—thousands and millions of us who could not do what you can now. All of it is in you now to be thrown into the flames. To burn for generations that will come after you. Those who came before and before and before prayed for this day. Prayed for you to release us from it. The rage in you was gifted to you to throw in the flames to burn it off from the whole of our line. You were born in part, to burn the whole of the pain body that has taken shape in the very atmosphere of Earthplane. You are strong enough to burn it off without it burning you too. You are strong enough to let the flames consume the rage and pain and not consume you too. Let it burn.”
―Chapter 26: The Mid Wives
The Stellar Trilogy, Book 4:Deep Roots
Envy McKee
You can listen live with this link and/or on the WURD App. We ARE Live on the FB Live OR Twitch too tonight!
Per usual, in EVERY single thing we do, the intention is transformation. And well moisturized legs.
Pssst! This month our #shiftprompt is:
The Art BEing SUPREME
Acronym:
Soul
Upleveled,
Purpose
Receives
Extraordinary
Monumental
Energy
(The SUPREME code)
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