Hi SOUL Hi! Lovianhal!
How you? I’m glad you’re here. I’m here too! I love you.
When I tell you these last few weeks have been cray– this is not hyperbole. I’m shaking my head as I type this. A part of me feels like I’m doing the absolute most. Another part of me feels like I am not doing nearly enough. Neither parts want to agree at all and so I’m walking the planet like a sort of robotic doll who has been split down the middle to her waist.
The “worst” part of it, and this is going to sound crazy, is that I’m okay. I have my health. Nothing is broken. I’m as safe as a person can be. I have clean running water. I have plenty of food to eat. I have dope people in my life who call to check on me and who I can reach out to and be in conversation for hours. Baby College Girl is home from school and she’s good too. All things considered, I have it all. All things considered, I’m blessed beyond…just, beyond.
Its the snafus that got me all in knots. The few things that don’t seem to be going well. Things, for all intents and purposes that I cannot control. Like for example, after twenty some odd years as a broadcaster and a decade as a voice over artist, I was recently invited to join the Sag/Aftra union. Exciting right? OMG! It’s so huge. On the flip side of that, a star sis has been waiting nearly 60 days to receive payment from the same client whose voice werk made me eligible. As an aside, Sag/Aftra payments to talent are to be paid within 15-20 days of a session. It’s how the contract is set up. The client is out here in these streets throwing my voice around like its a bouncing ball, but when the energy is about making sure I’ve been paid for said work–the crickets are so loud they’ve become quiet again.
This wouldn’t be a big deal if I didn’t have life to life. Deadlines to pay rent, so I’m not out in these streets 2 months earlier than my lease says. A big move in less than 2 months. A college age child who needs things. A cross country trip that my soul desires so I can at least have a vibe check of where a Star Sis is headed next. While the basics (mostly) are covered in the most immaculate ways, it’s sometimes that feeling tone of wanting more– to be more– to show up as who I know I am wholly, fully and completely– that make the snafus of life feel devastating. Truly temporary speed bumps that can feel like water-filled potholes the size of the Grand Canyon. How Sway? And why isn’t it much easier to navigate these interruptions? Why do they feel like free falls and not like stepping stones?
AND not knowing what to do about them without actually making ish worse is a discernment classroom that is complicated to pass. If I sit still and wait am I fcking myself? If I do something in the direction of my goals–am I blocking my blessings?
Like, Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Welcome to the free fall.
The frustration feels like a fuckery opera…
but is it?
There’s a chapter in The Stellar Universe, Book 4: Deep Roots I’m reminded of, where Kai realizes she has been trusting and walking with a woman who abused her dastardly for much of her young life. Of course, the woman doesn’t look the same–she’s actually in her true form (Me’era is a Tree Person/Sprite) when Kai meets her again (cause Kai certainly wouldn’t buddy up with that lady if she knew who she was to start) and Kai is just going along to get along until she catches an awareness of her past with Me’era that sets her off running in the opposite direction. Kai is running so hard and so fast that she doesn’t have time to slow down and so she falls into an ancient pool–that looks like water–but is not. The pool is a portal to another dimension.
The imagery of Kai’s fall is epic. When her eyes are closed, she feels like she jumped out of a perfectly good airplane. Everything is fast af. Her skin is stretched upward. She can barely open her eyes. Her arms are flailing. But when she is finally able to peel her eyes open, she realizes that not only is her body falling slow as molasses on a cold day, but in the dimension she fell, there were “threads” for her to grab onto. And, she only needed to motion her hand in their direction and the threads would meet her.
And,
she was expected. Her ride to her next destination showed up right on time. They told her, “Be Here Now.” Which–interestingly, is the name of the Road Trip/Show Bunmi, Teen and I are embarking on when my lease is up in July…
I say all of this as a reminder more for me than for you. First of all, running from our past is the number one reason most of us end up in weird places and circumstances and B) This life journey that we’re on can feel cray cray. Like everything is backwards and we’re persistently falling up. But before I/we give up on what I/we’re up to,
maybe
we can try
opening
our eyes.
And reaching out to what’s already right here… I do not yet know exactly what that means, but surely there is plenty to discuss tonight on TEMS!
Tonight’s Starfolk University staff:
Nina Jones– Dean of Big Pirate Energy
Dr. Fearless- Dean of African Diasporic Studies
Eisha Mason–Dean of Radical Spiritual Connection
Kyle Ingram– Conscious Social Engagement
Empress Naima– Dean of Intuitive Arts
Dr. Carol Penn– Dean of Spiritual Legacy
Of course, Jordan is in the WuWu Metaphysical Studio with me, so Join us tonight 7-10p on WURD! Bring a journal, pen and 3 frens…
#starfolku #starpeopleish #comegetfree
She was stuck wasn’t she? She didn’t even know where she was or where she was going and why she was sent where she was.
“Be Here Now.”
The voice came out of nowhere. Kai jolted and looked around frantically. There wasn’t anything at all around her except air and clouds. And all the threads. Her first instinct was to say “who said that?” But the part of her that was “not going out like that” knew better than to say anything at all out loud. She heard the words plain as day. Some body said them. Some body close. Even though she was a lone. Or so she thought. There were no bodies around her that she could see –as she hung loosely from a hand full of candy threads dangling from the sky of a world she fell into whilst running from her past.
Poetic. She thought.
“Be Here Now.”
—The Stellar Universe, Book 4: Deep Roots
You can listen live with this link and/or on the WURD App. We ARE Live on the FB Live OR Twitch too tonight!
Per usual, in EVERY single thing we do, the intention is transformation. And well moisturized legs.
Pssst! This month our #shiftprompt is:
The Art BEing AIR
Acronym:
Alive
In
Paradise
or POWER
(AIR is everywhere…)
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The WuWu Metaphysical studio begins Friday night at 7p EST on WURD 96.1FM Philly + The FB LIVE (worldwide). See you then yes? Oh! Bring a journal, a pen and 3 frens! WuWu is best done together. 🙂 #comegetfree
Lovianhal,
-e-
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